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Lin4Christ
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Name: Linda
Location: United Kingdom
Birthday: 3/27/1984
Gender: Female
Interests: finding ways to avoid studying for as long as possible
Expertise: Northwestern has taught me that i have no area of expertise, just some things i'm better at than others
Occupation: Student
Industry: Legal
Message: message me
Member Since:
1/17/2003
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| reflections on another school year...
if the grades are ok, which is never a safe assumption in law school, but if the grades do turn out ok, i am 2/3 done w/ law school. back home in chicago for the summer.
people keep telling me they can't believe i'm already 2 years done w/ law school, that it feels like yesterday that i moved to st louis. i can't say i agree. law school continues to be a grueling and exhausting experience, and it has not flown by. time only flies when i realize i don't have enough time to study or pull together an assignment.....
i complain about st louis all the time out of bad habit, but i can honestly say i appreciate the place now. for the first time after finals, i purposely stayed in st louis for a week just to hang out. it has become another home, and for that i am immensely grateful. my personality might not be cut out to enjoy law school, but i remain thankful for the people i have met in st louis who make it a good place to be. after visiting nyc last weekend, i'm again reminded of how much of a city person i am, so i can't really imagine staying in stl for too long, but it's where i'm supposed to be for now, and i'm grateful for my time in stl, even if i still don't really like law school and miss urban life while i'm there. stl keeps growing on me, so i figure next year will be my best year in stl yet!
law school. finally took some classes i was interested in. learned a lot. finally felt like i was actually learning some relevant information! still hate being called on, although i am less self-conscious than i was last year. i guess it is true, even i have somewhat gotten used to being called on, even though i still absolutely dread it. did a volunteer internship all year, which reminded me of why i came to law school in the 1st place. i'm comforted by the fact that i really do enjoy public interest legal work. i continue to be blessed w/ amazing supervisors wherever i go! God is so faithful to me with providing good mentors:)
glad to be back in chicago for summer. time to enjoy being w /family, to see friends, to enjoy walking around the city, to eat my share of chicago food, to actually sleep, to be reminded why i went to law school in the 1st place, to be inspired, and hopefully, to reflect upon the realizations and begin processing and organizing and learning from the dizzying swirl of thoughts in my head.
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| moments.
moments are powerful.
moments are fleeting, and transform instantaneously into different moments.
some moments sparked by external influences, other moments come from within.
maybe every moment counts, in its own way.
conflict to peace, overwhelmed to ok, anger to resolution, shock to acceptance, loneliness to community, annoyance to appreciation, faith to doubt, and all back and forth again.
even truth and logic are impacted by the change of moments, which shape the understanding of that truth.
in a bad moment, there is the comfort of knowing that the next one may be better.
and in a good moment, one can hold onto the goodness in memory to endure the next bad one that may come along.
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| safest course. keep going. routine.
don't look ahead, don't look behind, don't even look beside. just go.
happier? maybe. or just nonchalant. indifferent. trying not to care anymore.?
avoidance, or overcoming?
desire to know specific roots to cut them off.
breaking chains link by link exhausting. too many links.
yet maybe this is what is meant by 1 step at a time.
turning off thoughts, not giving time to think.
it's easier that way, but somehow it won't last.
not caring makes it easier.
at peace? or calm before the storm?
stuff still there under the surface, brewing and simmering.
ok for now.
welcoming ammunition building for future.
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| imperfections, sinful desires, selfish ambitions no less so because they are clothed in "appropriate" words.
even that which is supposedly good and desirable tinted with evil and darkness. it never fails to amaze me.
audacity of idealism. audacious thoughts, audacious goals.
not supposed to have control, not supposed to "change the world."
ridiculousness of realism, falsity of pessimism, naivete of optimism.
indescribable "that" which forces thought, analysis, confusion, feeling in the midst of numb routine.
sometimes grateful, but usually unwelcome.
amazingness of amazing grace...
limited. internal barriers sometimes greater than external ones.
continuing in an unpredictable current, riding along the waves.
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| an attempt at writing...
layers. more and more layers. cusp of understanding, yet more layers.
digging deeper.
circles, smaller and then larger and then smaller again.
classifications and categories annoy me. particularly the christian kind, but classifications generally annoy me too. yet an inevitable part of life, and the only way people make sense of the world.
borders and boundaries. pretending we know. pretending we understand. how ridiculous is that sometimes.
negativity v. naivete. perhaps false dichotomy. skepticism.
comfort.
dissatisfaction v. direction. goals v. inability to live in the moment.
understanding unnecessary. in fact, don't try. there is nothing more irritating than people who try to classify in their attempts at understanding...
apologies for negativity. apologies for cynicism.
i'm still public interest. i still care too much about everything - causes, grades, people. i haven't lost everything. i think i'm learning i never will. nails that pierce, every time.
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